The Surge hasn't begun yet. Man, I hate waiting.

Saturday 9-5, and the waiting area has only 3 seats filled. No more temperature screenings, no more recording of patients' / visitors' details. But the mask-wearing continues. Thank goodness for that. :)

So I received a text message from an old friend last night. Seems I'm beginning to sound like a broken record and scaring potential suitors off. :) Okaaaaaay, just for you, I'll desist in my ranting, though I could really care less about losing suitors. ;) Vaya can take over from here, haha! Besides, with re-minisce out of the country, my Venting Gene somehow loses its ability to replicate. Kidding. :P

An email sent out by a fellow department MO signalled the end of yet another rotation. "Farewell Dinner", it said. Let's see, since my housemanship, I've attended more than 10 already, and this'll probably make it the twelfth. Wide variety of specialties, with their own larger-than-life characters. Surgeons sponsoring buffet feasts in posh hotels. Physicians with their smaller-scale affairs ( although SGH Gastro took us to the Ritz, ooh yeah! ). The A&E farewells are a bit sad in comparison, but it's more a budget-cum-logistics problem than one involving cheap-skate mentalities. ER physicians don't make much, and usually have around 20 MOs to feed. Note to the hospital admins --we need more MO welfare funding down here.

Is it possible to spend a whole year in a department yet feel out of place? I think so. This may be the first time I've ever experienced this, and ironically it's in an ER. Even more ironic is how I've bonded more with the nurses and healthcare assistants than with my fellow doctors ( certain seniors in particular ). This isn't a blame game. And I'm not fed up at all. It's just a realization that there're lots of different factors at play in a situation like this --factors none of us may have any control over, perhaps. It isn't even anything dramatic. I don't need regular praise or pats on the back to feel good about myself. I answer only to my own conscience -- and God. What I'm talking about is simple stuff -- taking some interest in a person's hobbies, asking about a recent overseas trip, etc. Maybe I come across as a bit stand-offish. But during an A&E posting in 2001 ( in a different hospital ), I was an inexperienced junior and absolutely terrified of everyone, but my seniors always made it a point to engage me in friendly conversation ( be it talking shop or just small talk ), and were genuinely intrigued by my life outside medicine.

May not seem like much, but in the long haul, when you come to the crossroads and have to decide which path to take, it's the small stuff that sways you in a particular direction. Hard work, long hours and high stress levels be damned. I just want to feel like I belong.

This isn't meant as criticism. I've learnt so much this past year, and the people are actually very nice. I guess, for me, something seems to be missing, and no matter how trivial that something is, it makes a world of difference to me.

I will always have good memories of this place. A big thank you to everyone for having me this past year.


And in other news ( "normal programming" kicking in here :)), Amy Adams was just booted off AI3, with Jennifer Hudson and Latoya London rounding off the bottom three for this week. Horror of horrors! I'm a huge fan of both Jon Peter Lewis and John Stevens, but c'mon, these guys SUCKED in the latest round, and JS should've been ousted based on performance alone. "This is a singing competition," Simon Cowell loves to say, but it sure doesn't look like it anymore. Instead, this seems to be turning into a "Cute Fellows With Questionable Talent Will Win No Matter What" scenario. Tsk tsk.

And the latest casualty in Survivor: All-Stars? Jerri, the uber-b**** from the African installment. Tribal lines went flying out the window, and Amber now has 3 more days on the island, thanks to Boston Rob, her Protector, Potential Boyfriend After The Show Ends, and Universally-Feared Power Player. "You take care of her, and I'll take care of you," he says to Lex as the groups disperse. "If we vote Amber off, Rob will be really pissed," Shii Ann whispers during one pow-wow. "It'll be like the wrath of God coming down on all of us." I used to think Rob Cesternino was the best I'd ever seen in this series. I take it back. All hail Boston Rob. :D

Will keep the angst to a minimum, and stop dispensing advice. For now at least. :)