A Period Of Grieving

Today's entry is dedicated to 2 Singaporean doctors who died from SARS. For readers who are recently acquainted with my blog, Dr. Alexandra Chao was a respected and rising vascular surgeon, and was also the only child of Prof. Chao Tzee Cheng, who was our nation's foremost authority on forensic pathology. The following are excerpts from an article in The Straits Times today, garnered through interviews with his wife, mother and various colleagues.

His character:

"He was the type of guy who wrote letters of encouragement to his friends during examination time, or thought nothing of spending an evening helping younger students."

" He was an affectionate husband who made cards and sang to (his wife). He loved to sing at weddings and sometimes even prayed with his patients. He sang to bless others."

"The nurses told me that when they wheeled him into the ICU, he was holding his Bible and even waved at them."

"In 2001, he established the Lower Extremity Amputation Prevention (Leap) Programme, which succeeded in bringing down the percentage of amputations done. There are now plans to set up a fellowship in his name."


The impact of his death on his loved ones:

"On his way to be admitted to hospital on April 15, he went by his Faber Hills house. He stayed in his car and waved to his girls ( ie. his 2 daughters). That was the last time Beatrice, 4, and Berenice, 1, saw their Papa.
Berenice is still too young to know daddy's gone. "When she sees his picture, she still asks for Papa," says his widow, Dr. Koh Woon Puay, 34. "But my other daughter is a survivor. When she heard her sister calling for him, Beatrice said, "Papa is no more. Papa has gone to heaven."

"His devastated mother, Mdm. Wong Yoke Choy, 65, said last night, "Losing Prof. Chao was a big blog to me and before the wound has healed, now comes an even bigger blow. The pain is almost unbearable. Sometimes I wish it was just a nightmare but I have to be brave and I have to live on. I've always been very proud of him. Life has to go on."

"We were a team. I have lost my soulmate." -- Dr. Koh Woon Huay.


The latest SMA News will be available online by this evening or tomorrow morning. Eulogies for Dr. Alex Chao and Dr. Ong Hok Su will be included, written by Prof. Low Cheng Hock and myself respectively. I've added the link in advance.

Below is an email that Hok Su's fiancee, Tania Oh, sent to me, with her approval for posting on this website. My thanks to her for opening her heart and sharing her innermost feelings with us.

"Dear Hok Su,

I don't question why God took you away - we both know that our lives are in His mighty hands and His ways are not our ways. The only thing I ask is why I have to go through the grief and pain -- to fall in love with you, build our dreams together and then to lose it all before it comes to pass. I guess in His time, the answers will come, but it is the hope and promise of seeing you again in heaven which gives me strength to finish my own race.

In a way, I likened it to the days when you were in London at St Bart's Hospital medical school, and I was back in Singapore working. It was not easy getting through those years. If it wasn't for our daily phone calls and my friends who distracted me, I don't know how I would have made it through waiting to see you during our holidays. Now, the friends still remain but the phone calls have ceased.
For all the nights we used to pray together, I now pray on my own, believing that somewhere beyond the distant star, you will hear what I'm saying, that you feel the relentless pain in my heart and see the unending tears that flow.... and flow..

You were my best guy friend, my confidante of 8 years who listened and only gave your opinion when I asked for it. You never judged me, even when I told you of my foul deeds. You just loved me in your own simple way - totally and faithfully.

Do you remember the nights when I would sit in your room at college when you were in Sydney waiting to go to London's St Bart's? I thought you studied too hard, and would tell you that you were already too brillant. And even though you were the top boy from ACS to go to ACJC, I still didn't know that you existed in ACJC. I always thought that the people in SC1 never mixed well with the outside world. How wrong you proved me.
The 8 of us in college looked up to you as the head of our kampong and we always knocked on your fresher alley room 106 when we needed a listening ear. Your room was always the warmest, (you cranked up the heater to the fullest). Remember how we used to call it our tropical paradise? It was the only place we could wear our summer clothes even in the coldest winter. On hindsight, it wasn't the warmth of your room that made us go there. It was just because we liked your company and you made us all
feel loved.

Even in your unobtrusive way, you motivated me to do well at university. The late nights when I came back ( and it wasn't from the library ), I would walk by your room and see the light still on - it was enough to spur me to hit the books and finish my tutorials before I slept. Imagine how silly I felt when many years later, you confessed to havingthe habit of falling asleep with the lights on. Oh boy. :)

Then the day came -- you asked me to marry you and I wondered how 2 people who were total opposites could spend their lives together. But as time went by, I was more and more convinced that God knew my character better than I knew myself, and He knew that you were what I needed. You gave me stability and I drew you out of your shell. For the last 9 months that you were back in Singapore,we planned our lives together, planned our wedding togetherand I still remember you at all the visits to the bridal shop, everyone loved you and called you my handsome handbag. You would look at me parading in all the different wedding gowns and tell me with so much love that I looked beautiful no matter what I wore. You were so undiscerning in helping me choose my gown that I had to enlist my Godmother's help and you galantly took the backseat.

You were always supportive in my numerous activities, even though you thought I was overactive. I miss the times when you'll pick me up after French class, cello class, golf games and the Saturdays we spent going for Bible study together. I miss our quiet times together and I miss your laughter. I miss you telling me not to go diving and wakeboarding, because you'd be devastated if you lost me in an accident. I miss you because you were my friend. I miss you.

Perhaps your mother is the most fortunate person out of this whole tragedy, she gets to leave this bad dream and wake up to find you happy, healthy and full of God's love.
Time has stopped for me. I can only wait to see why God spared me from SARS and let me live on without you. The 7th of April 2003 will be etched in my mind and heart not because the dreams and plans we made died alongside with you, not because a part of me died with you that day and not because I learnt what grief and pain meant, but because it was the day I laid my friend to rest -- the one I laughed with, dreamt with, cried with and will forever love.

jusqu'a ce que nous puissions nous revoir, mon cherie."


During our email exchanges, Tania and I discovered a shared appreciation for the music of Josh Groban, in particular, one of his most famous songs, titled "To Where You Are". She related how she played this song many times over in recent weeks, and the lyrics are especially poignant, not only because of Dr. Chao's and Hok Su's deaths, but for any of us who have lost a loved one any time in our lives. If you'd like to listen to the song, go to Josh's website player.


To Where You Are

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be

That you are my forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

(Chorus)
Fly me up to where you are beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight to see you smile
If only for a while to know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are

Are you gently sleeping
here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
all power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday

(Chorus)

In times like these, we often take a moment's silence to remember the person who has passed on. In keeping with that tradition, I shall not make a blog entry for a day or two, and shall write again perhaps on Thursday.