Monday, September 06, 2004

I Can See Clearly Now, The Rain Is Gone...

Now who sang that song, darn it?!

Speaking of songs - and irritation - I just finished reading 2 more Dave Barry books, thanks to the ever-resourceful Tanglin Club library. :) One's titled Dave Barry's Book Of Bad Songs, and the other Dave Barry Does Japan. Needless to say, both had me in stitches, even during a sleepless night shift. Who needs coffee or mood stabilizers eh? :D

Here're just some samplings from each.

From Dave Barry's Book Of Bad Songs:

"And when I told him I had been untrue
He hit me and it felt like a kiss
He hit me and I knew he loved me
If he didn't care for me
I could have never made him mad
But he hit me, and I was glad"
-- lyrics from He Hit Me ( And It Felt Like A Kiss ) by The Crystals ( also known, I believe, as the official Sado-Masochism anthem )

And who would've thought that "I've Never Been To Me" by Charlene -- that saccharine ballad which I never really pay full attention to, but sounds pretty harmless -- sounds like this:

"I've been undressed by kings
And I've seen some things
That a woman ain't supposed to see

I spent my life exploring
The subtle whoring
That costs too much to be free"

Whoa! I've got to turn the volume up the next time this is played on the radio! Media Development Authority, here's a chance for you to get more money from fines! :P

And my personal favourite:

"You can tell my lips
Or you can tell my hips
That you're going to dump me if you can
But don't tell my liver
It never would forgive her
It might blow up and circumcise this man!"
-- from "Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus ( remember that one? )

From Dave Barry Does Japan:

The chapter on its "exotic foods":

"... the Japanese routinely ear things that have eyeballs or suckers or other flagrantly unacceptable organs still attached to them. No effort is made to hide this. In fact, it seems to be a selling point. So you'd pass by a restaurant window, and you'd see a plastic model of what would otherwise be an OK-looking dish, but lunging menacingly out of the noodles will be a tentacle, similar to the one on the giant squid that attacked the submarine in 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea. ( You almost expect to see it clutching a detailed plastic model of Kirk Douglas. )"

On kabuki theatre:

"... everybody seemed to whine a lot. It was all that happened for minutes on end. Kabuki has the same dramatic pacing as bridge construction.
The boy, played by a boy who was apparently selected for his ability to whine for extended lengths of time in an extraordinarily high pitch, asks - why not? - whether his clogs are anywhere around. Everybody whines about this for three solid minutes ( or fifty-one minutes in E.S.T., eye surgery time )."

There's more, of course, but my hands keep shaking from all that laughing. :)

Movie reviews:

Right, prepare for an overload of information, although I'm going to keep it as short as possible because my dinner is ready.

Boring beyond belief: Cold Mountain, The Missing ( latter stars Tommy Lee Jones and Cate Blanchett in some Civil War-Apache Indian fiasco, as far as I could tell before deciding I had better things to do than press the fast-forward button. )

Not bad: Hidalgo ( Viggo! ), Dirty Dancing 2 ( Diego! )

Overrated: 21 Grams, Mystic River ( but Sean Penn looks really good, and is the only reason either film is worth watching; as for Benicio Tel Toro -- I used to like him a lot, but he's grown a little fat and grungy, and honestly speaking, grosses me out. )

Incomprehensible: Taking Lives ( with Angelina Jolie, Ethan Hawke and Kiefer Sutherland ) -- somebody PLEASE explain its crappy plot to me.

Hilarious: Something's Gotta Give -- yes, with Keanu Reeves looking so dapper in a doctor's coat. You can take my blood pressure anyday. ;)

Even more hilarious: Starsky And Hutch, with the ever-successful pairing of Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Wilson is gorgeous - as always - and I just can't imagine how everyone manages to keep a straight face whenever they say "Huggy Bear" ( Snoop Dogg's character ).

[ And FYI, the MDA's relaxation of censorship rules has resulted in some pretty, err, interesting scenes remaining intact in a few of the above shows. As a kind gesture, let me tell you to go rent 21 Grams, Starsky And Hutch, and Taking Lives, if you know what I mean. :) ]

Time to eat. More another time.

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