Friday, April 02, 2004

Food For Thought

I actually got home earlier than expected, and all that Indonesian fare from the excellent Rice Table, plus the fact that this is the 2nd off-day for me this week, has made me quite euphoric. Ahhh, really miss that. :)

To continue discussing a couple of topics re-minisce recently brought up...

The Truth About Cats & Dogs

I firmly believe that almost every single human being on the planet can be classified into either category. I say almost, because there are those who either hate BOTH cats and dogs, are petrified of them, or use them for crazy rituals. Just like the XX and XY phenotypes, with the occasional hermaphrodite. Oh well...

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. As readers of both our blogs can see, I'm a cat person, while re-m is more partial to dogs. I like dogs too, but would never consider having one as a pet. Play with a canine for a few minutes and get slobbered over, that's okay.

People tend to assume that cats are detached from their owners, which essentially implies that they're not very warm or receptive, and don't love you unconditionally the way dogs do. Maybe I've been lucky. I've had quite a number of cats my whole life, and had wonderful experiences with many of them, despite a significant portion being strays I carried off the street. Some of them died of natural causes, some were put down when they developed various illnesses and I couldn't bear to watch them suffer anymore. One was bashed to death by a neighbour ( never caught him red-handed though ). A couple of them disappeared suddenly, probably when they got sick ( cats do that ). My current ginger tomcat has been with me the longest -- 7 years this September. I put him in the palm of my hand the moment he was born ( his mom had her litter in my house ), and we bonded instantly.

Cats are independent creatures, no doubt about that. They have tempers, they scratch, they occasionally bite down hard when they're irritated ( but short of blood-letting ), and do pretty much what they please. Dogs are usually the opposite ( crazy Rottweilers not included ). Why then, do I prefer felines?

For one, I think they're beautiful to look at. Regal, multi-coloured fur coats, long bushy tails, huge emerald or sky-blue eyes, those pert little noses, the long delicate whiskers, graceful bodies capable of scaling walls and trees, muscles that enable them to balance on rooftops and narrow ledges, and the inborn ability to always land on their feet.

Character-wise, let me use my present pet as a good example: He's intelligent, fun, affectionate, reads my moods more accurately than some humans, and loves to snuggle beside me when I need it most. He greets me at the door when I get home, and looks mortified whenever I leave. What I remember most fondly though, is how, a few years ago, he walked up to me as I sat sobbing on the couch, climbed onto my lap, and stayed there till I stopped crying.

Sure, dogs can give me unconditional love. They'd probably lick me even after a big spanking. But I look for challenges in everything, even pets. If I had to choose between one that gives without thinking, and one that loves you even when it isn't in its nature to do so, I'd pick the latter any day.

Same thing with men. I think. :P

The One

I briefly considered emailing re-m with some of my thoughts, but wasn't too sure if he'd welcome the intrusion, so here's a whitewashed version for public consumption.

Do I believe in The One?

As a child / teenager / young adult pre-relationship: Yes.

At present, post-breakup: Still yes.

Many friends consider me a cynic, both pre- and post-breakup ( Ironically, I was quite the optimist in between, haha. ) And yet, after all that has happened, I hold onto this hope for dear life, and believe in it wholeheartedly. Do I think it's a little stupid? Maybe. I definitely didn't think my ex was anywhere even near The One, but we lasted 5 years, and had our moments. His not being The One wasn't even the reason we broke up. Funnily enough, it was because he didn't think I was The One, despite being the pursuer from the word go and initially professing that I was. Imagine that! :P

Do I have The One in my sights? Again, yes. And no, I won't reveal who it is. Let's just say this person is currently oblivious of how I feel, but whether he'll realize it one day or not is of secondary importance. He does, however, bring me both great joy and peace, and at the rate things are going, will most likely marry someone else.

But it's okay. And that may be the reason I know he's The One -- placing his happiness before mine, wanting the best for him, even if I get hurt in the process. Anybody who's eventually lucky enough to end up with The Right One for them makes me very envious. Even if it's a fleeting experience, like that of re-minisce and his lady, it's certainly better than none at all.

I hope this doesn't sound like an unrequited love drama, because it isn't. It's no fault of this guy that the situation stands as it is at the moment, and I've got other things to think about anyway. I guess this is where Patience steps in, and Fate. For me, I have lots of the former, but leave the latter to God. And if I marry someday, and my husband isn't The One, life will still go on, and the memories will never fade. It's possible to love a person even if he isn't everything you'd hoped for. What's important is knowing when you've got a good thing right before your eyes, and being able to accept happiness when it seeks you out.

Re-minisce, some big-sisterly advice for you before you return to England. K will always be The One for you, and no doubt you'll always want someone like Her. It's natural. Understandable. Romantic. Maybe you're content to be alone for the rest of your life should you never find anyone remotely like Her. Maybe you'd feel shortchanged if you settled for anything less. It's completely up to you. The way I see it, it isn't actually settling for less. It isn't even settling at all. You strike me as a very smart, careful fellow, not prone to reckless flings or over-romanticizing. If you can just look a woman and find her attractive without once comparing her to Someone, you would've won the first leg of this battle, and the rest will fall into place. When and how this will come about, I have no idea. You don't need closure like I do. Maybe you just need to appreciate Qualities for what they are, just by themselves, and not in relation to Her. Being reminded of Her by a dinner companion's eyes is human. Just don't lose sight of the person as a whole.

I don't counsel on a regular basis ( sometimes I need counselling myself :)), so if this comes out garbled, I do apologize. I wish you the best in work and life. It's been great meeting my fellow bloggers, and I hope to have dinner with the others sometime ( after I've moved house! ).

Over and out.

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